#1 from (JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on April 03, 2010

Hi Edie,  Having done a Keynote presentation on “Forgiveness” for the ladies in my church, I have some additional quotes you may enjoy.

“As costly as it is to forgive, there is only one consolation…...unforgiveness costs far more”  Ray Prichard

“Harboring unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”.

“Not to forgive is to be imprisoned by the past, by old grievances that do not permit life to proceed with new business.  Not to forgive is to yield oneself to another’s control…..to be locked into a

sequence of act and response, of outrage and revenge, tit for tat, escalating always.  The present is endlessly overwhelmed and devoured by the past.  Forgiveness frees the forgiver”  Lance Morrow

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you”  Lewis B. Smedes

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it”  Mark Twain

” When you forgive, you in no way change the past, but you sure do change the future”.  Bernard Meltzer

” Forgive all who have offended you, not for them, but for yourself”  Harriet Nelson (of Ozzie and Harriet)

Having been given the opportunity to forgive my husband, I know these quotes to be true!
Love,
Jan

#2 from (JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on April 05, 2010

Edie,

One of the things I’ve learned about forgiveness is the complexity of this word/emotion.  Forgiveness in this context is a tricky concept.  It feels so saintly and other worldly to me, and frankly beyond my reach.  Historically, forgiveness to me means that the relationship is somehow restored and rebalanced.  I don’t see this fitting into the situation you described, because there is no balance to begin with. 

At this point, I have given myself permission to recognize my legitimate anger, but to draw a line between anger and hatred.  When these toxic interactions occur in my life, I’ve translated forgiveness into not wishing the other person harm (and even that is a stretch some times).  For me, forgiveness in the context you describe means not letting the negative emotion “eat me up.” 

I also “talk to myself” a good bit.  By mentally reviewing the repetitive triggers or dialogues that trigger an angry response (internally or externally) for me; I try to prepare myself, so that I don’t get engaged with the provocation.  (Of course, these exchanges NEVER occur when I’m prepared.)  I work to come up with alternate language that doesnt’ escalate and solidify the stances.  This is so very hard, but trying to detach (let go?) is my goal.  Believe me, it is an elusive goal most of the time.

Donna

BTW, I read your reflections every single morning and find a personal lesson in them that I apply during the day.  Thank you.

#3 from (JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on April 25, 2010

Hi, Edie!

  I know you posted your article on forgiveness a while ago, but I finally have a few moments to respond.

  I live in an area populated by Amish and Mennonites who truly take to heart the biblical injunction to forgive 70 times 7.  I first saw this demonstrated when I attended a memorial service for a compassionate couple I had known for years.  They had been stabbed to death by their adopted son after he raped an adopted sister.  The oration at the service was delivered by their biological son and daughter who were college students.  Their heartfelt words invited all in attendance to forgive their brother.  They said they would continue to visit him in jail and support him in any way they could.  I was truly flabbergasted by their words, their sincerity, and their commitment.  Their thoughts have long since remained with me.  Do I have the capacity to be so forgiving?  I don’t know. 

  A lot of publicity was given to the Nickel Mine murders in Lancaster County when children were mercilessly killed at school.  One incident that wasn’t publicized was that the Amish families refused to accept any financial assistance unless the family of the murderer was also compensated. 

  I was reminded of those two incidents when I read the imagery section in Belleruth Naparstek’s Your Sixth Sense which deals with slipping into the body of another person and feel what it’s like to be in the other’s body.  (Imagery to gain Intensive Insight into Another—p. 154 in the paperback edition.) 

  I also know that when we truly forgive another we become lighter and truly free of the bonds that painfully bind us to that person.  My thoughts and prayers are with you as you take steps to fly unencumbered by painful emotions such as anger, fear, disappointment, and frustration.  As Janis Joplin sang, “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.”  Although those lyrics could be taken in many ways, I prefer to see it as a gentle release of issues over which we have no control. 

  Be well and take healthy care of yourself.

Diane