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Words

By Edie Elkan on March 26, 2010 in Work on Myself

I gained a bit of insight into myself this morning. When life becomes too unwieldy, I function, albeit somewhat robotically, on the outside, but pretty much shut down inwardly. Which is why I tend not to write during those times.

Today I’m breaking that pattern even though I know not what will come forth.

My mother suffered a stroke the other day. It’s been defined as a mini-stroke, a TIA or Transient Ischemic Attack. It’s no mini to her nor to me. She’s confined to a wheelchair as a result of it. She may need to move out of her apartment to get the daily care she now requires. Worst of all to her and to her greatest fans, she has now lost a great deal of her independence.

The medical profession tends to use words that way a lot. Minimizing the situations they deal with hourly is probably the only way they can continue to do their jobs. I remember when my husband was near death some years ago and a doctor informed me that they would “just” insert a tube to help him breathe better. The tube turned out to be connected to a ventilator, without which my husband would have died.

Words have always been important to me, which is why I’m hoping to use them for my own healing as I take this journey with my mother. Difficult days lie ahead, but I’m going to do my best not to shut down or off. I hope to open myself to, acknowledge, and feel the pain, frustration and sadness.

A most fitting tribute to my dear mama.

”One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can’t express.”—James Earl Jones, American actor

”Words are the voice of the heart.” –Confucious

”Do not say a little in many words, but a great deal in a few.” Pythagoras

Make your words count today.

Enjoy your day!

Previous Comments

#1 from (JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on March 26, 2010

Edie, you know this already, but as a reminder - God is with you and your Mom on this journey. Blessings to you and your dear Mom, Jane

#2 from (JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on March 26, 2010

Edie
My mother also had a “Mini” Stroke on March 10th.
The word Mini just does not describe it. Mom was doing better, went into Rehab and yesterday was rushed to the hospital as her kidneys are failing.
The doctors and nurses have whirled about us trying to make her comfortable but I can see in Mom the frustration and feel as if death is sitting on my shoulder. I too feel shut down inside. I hear myself talking and coping on the outside but dying inside. I am afraid if I begin talking of what I am feeling inside a dam will burst and Mom needs me sane now not insane. Indeed what a journey but one I am glad that I can be by my mothers side for.

#3 from (JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on March 26, 2010

Edie, your mother will be in good hands because you love and care for her…her safety and well being is so important…you will help her through this time and be stronger for it…love is the greatest of these…

#4 from (JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on March 26, 2010

Dear Edie,

I ususally check my emails before breakfast each morning. Today I received one from dear friends whose severly disabled daughter died last night. Needless to say, I felt at a loss for words. At such times, we can only send our love on Spirit’s wings to go in that moment where we cannot, even as we hold our dear ones close in the prayers of our hearts.

And then came your reflection of the day…“Words”...and the news of your dear Mom. I am sending LOVE on Spirit’s wings with prayers to whisper in your heart, Edie. May you be lifted up knowing you are being held by many who care deeply for you and those you love.

Blessings be upon you…
Kathy Savo

#5 from (JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on March 26, 2010

Edie
A mother carries a special role in the hearts of her children and it is difficult when the roles must be reversed. My thoughts and prayers are with you to keep your strong as your mother may have been for you. God Bless you both.

#6 from (JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on March 26, 2010

Dear Edie,
My heart ached as I read your posting today. Then ached further after reading about Barbara’s mother as well. The feelings that the both of you are experiencing are all too familiar to me. It has been 7 years since my mother’s passing but your postings created a flood of feelings and vivid memories that I relived. It is so hard to go through these stages and see your loved one in such a state of dependency. Knowing that to them it must be a living nightmare to be trapped inside a body that seems foreign now.
Being strong for your mother and reassuring her that you are there no matter what is the greatest gift of love and comfort. She isn’t alone.
Keeping your heart open by expressing your thoughts, feelings and anger while walking this journey is critical and will help you in the long run.
Rest knowing that others care about you and feel your worries.
I shall keep you in my prayers.
Jane

#7 from (JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on March 26, 2010

Edie…I am closing my eyes and sending you all the energy I can muster. You and your mom are in my prayers. A lot of us are at that point where our parents stand at the edge..we just have to stand next to them…and it is sure not easy. Your mom is blessed to have you.

#8 from May on March 27, 2010

I am sorry to hear about your mom. This is a difficult time for her and you. Trust in yourself and if your words do fail you, your love and support will sill be felt by her. Yes, your mom is truly blessed to have you.

#9 from (JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on March 27, 2010

No words….......just feel the presence of love and prayers coming your way every day.

#10 from (JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on March 31, 2010

Dear Edie, and Matt, life is presenting challenges but know that God is with you. Know that “shutting down” is really a protective mechanism that allows you to function, get thru it all, and at some point to emerge wiser and stronger. Edie, your Mom will be on our prayer list as will you and Matt.
Love to all.

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